


Soliloquising

by Melkur_Mistress



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: F/M, Friendship, Humor, Social Media, The Vault (Doctor Who), light hearted, twissy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-03
Updated: 2019-06-03
Packaged: 2020-04-07 03:15:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,164
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19076359
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Melkur_Mistress/pseuds/Melkur_Mistress
Summary: A quick, light one shot.-----------------------“Oh, you know, girly things - you don’t expect me to ask you or Nardy for girly things do you?”The Doctor sighed heavily, “what girly things did you ask….Mr Martes for?”Missy chewed her lip as she tried to think, “oh the usual feminine things...tampons, bras...a 3d printer.”-------------------------





	Soliloquising

The Doctor kept his eyes on Missy as soon as he walked in, even as the doors closed and locked behind him - right up until he flopped down into the chair and sighed.

“Missy, you can't block me.”

"Yes I can, and I did,” she said, sitting down on the adjacent chair with a very self satisfied smile. "You annoyed me."

“I set up a channel, for just us - you and me,  no one else. If you block me, then you have no one else to talk to, that is pointless...you don’t...have anyone else to talk to...do you?”

“Do you think I’m crazy dear? Talking to myself? I have been alone in here for a long time - maybe I’ve lost what was left of my highly overrated sanity and started talking to myself?”

The Doctor shook his head and sighed, “Missy, I gave you that tablet to help with exactly that - and stop you using my psychic paper to interrupt every lecture.”

Missy smirked and reclined leisurely in her chair, “I think it’s vital to know immediately if I suspect the egg of stealing the jelly hearts before he gives me my pick and mix.”

“Missy,” the Doctor sighed. “He could just get his own sweets while he’s getting yours - please don’t exact revenge on him for an offence he hasn’t even committed.”

“Exact revenge? Over sweets? You _do_ think I’m petty.”

“Yes, I do, and Nardole doesn’t want to come in because he thinks you’re secretly plotting to kill him.”

Missy looked at the Doctor and burst into laughter.

“Whatever you did to scare him, please stop - he’s here to help and you threatening his existence isn’t going to do anything positive for you,” he said.

Missy just continued laughing and the Doctor looked at her in exasperation, picking up her tablet and using his sonic to unlock the screen. She stopped laughing almost immediately and put on an incredibly exaggerated innocence that would have made the Doctor laugh if it had not been laced with guilt and therefore also worrying.

He knew it was pointless to ask her what she had done, so he began to browse her tablet.

“You have WiFi now - that’s an upgrade to the link between only us...how did you get a signal in here?”

“I’m clever,” she said. “Did you bring biscuits?”

"And Snapchat...who are these people and what are you sending them? And no, if you ate the entire packet of bourbon creams, then you have to wait until next week.”

“ _Associates_ and I shared my composition with them - nothing naughty, just music,” she said, amused. “Why are you so cruel?”

“You have...ten Facebook friends...thirty thousand Twitter followers...and you have a verified account - how do you have a verified Twitter account?” the Doctor asked completely bemused. “It’s not cruel to refuse to supply you with an never ending stream of unhealthy snacks.”

“The _real_ question Doctor, is how do you know so much about earth social media platforms? And why _wouldn't_ they give me a special tick? I’m not some boring ordinary human.”

“Hacking Twitter, getting WiFi...and what appears to be high Snapchat usage are not in any way part of our agreement - but it’s the Facebook friends that worry me - why such small group of people when you want thousands of admiring followers? Accept my friend request.”

“You have Facebook?” Missy laughed. “ _You_ , have Facebook.”

The Doctor pulled out a device and sent a request.

Missy sighed and picked up her tablet, swiping at the screen in annoyance.

“Did your latest human teach you all this? I assumed you didn’t know what these silly applications were.”

“I have a lot of human students here Missy, I’ve heard of social media….who is Mr Martes?”

“Oh just a someone I play Candy Crush with.”

“Candy Crush isn’t on your tablet...who...is Mjeshtër Kapten?”

Missy shrugged, “oh, we tend to each others crops.”

“Mestra Majster…..The Mastro…. _Missy_ , collecting your past selves together online is how paradoxes start - and,” the Doctor began to grow alarmed as he opened her private messages. “Sending one of them coordinates to the vault…”

“I’m not trying to bust out of here - I _want_ to be here, I just needed a few things.”

“Like. What?” he said, his patience thoroughly tested.

“Oh, you know, girly things - you don’t expect me to ask you or Nardy for girly things do you?”

The Doctor sighed heavily, “what _girly things_ did you ask….Mr Martes for?”

Missy chewed her lip as she tried to think, “oh the usual feminine things...tampons, bras...a 3d printer.”

“I turned down that request for good reason - Missy, please - don’t communicate with any of them at all. You’re doing so well and they won’t support this, what we’re doing here,” he frowned as he scrolled the messages. “You’ve spent hours at a time...talking to yourself...about the Muppet Show? Missy, you need more to do in here, hobbies, interests, a project - let’s work on something, set each other challenges, remember when we used to do that?”

“I do,” she smiled fondly at the memory. “I’d like that - and just for that, I’ll surrender my router, the shop’s open until 5 today so Nardy can get a refund.”

“Nardole...bought you a router...what have I said about hypnotising Nardole?”

Missy frowned, thinking hard, “that it’s funny?”

“It most certainly is not funny - he’d be even more scared if he knew you could do that to him - I’ll come back later with toys and we can work on something - we’ll set each other a challenge to enhance whatever we build, then compare. Sound good?”

Missy smiled, “yes it does.”

* * *

  
  
She couldn’t hide the warmth of her smile when he returned later that day, placing a large bag down. She hated how excited she felt for a bag of unfamiliar things, and tried to act nonchalant, but found herself rifling through the bag against her own instinct.   
  
“Ah food too, and...DVDs..ooh a collection of interesting things you’ve pulled from your TARDIS….you and me, right here...let’s see who can build a sonic device the fastest.”

The Doctor knew he didn't stand a chance of winning, so he didn't fight the urge to watch her as she worked, smiling at her enthusiasm and impressed with her ingenuity.

“What does the winner get?” she asked absently as she concentrated on her work.

“She gets to choose what we do together next week - it's a quiet one, no classes.”

“Oh well then she chooses popcorn and movies and you, with your arm around her. She chooses you just being here with her.”

“That sounds like we both win,” he said.

He watched in admiration as she built her device, and made himself a promise that he would be more attentive. He wondered if she realised yet, that she did have her friend back, and had done for quite some time.

 


End file.
